From: Phil Gaughran, VP-Operations To: Management Subject: proper memo procedures
Hi everyone, Last week I sent out a memo on correct procedure and I was very sure that everyone got it, because this is email, so I know that everyone at least got a look at it and understood how important it was to read the entire memo, and not to look at the first paragraph and then the last sentence, because you won�t get the �gist� that way and you won�t know procedure. So please read on so I haven�t wasted my time writing this memo to all of you. And if you�re not getting your email then you MUST talk to Gary immediately because this the correct procedure in that particular case.
1) All memos intended for management staff must be sent out as a group email and not as several individual emails, as this reduces load on the server, which as you know was down last week for reasons very much like this, as well as the fire in the basement, but that is another matter.
2) Management must respond by email indicating that you have read and understood the contents of each memo. It is not enough to say �read and understood, thx� or �ok� because I have come to realize that this doesn�t mean anything, and a robot could type that out and return a response like that, I�ve seen news specials with robots that can do that very thing, so stop acting like a robot or we will get one to replace you. LOL we wouldn�t do that, you are much more valuable than robots, and anyway they can�t be programmed yet to emulate your skillsets, so relax on that point for now.
3) When you respond to indicate that you�ve read and understood the memo and you�ve gotten beyond that robot-style impulse to say �ok�, then you have to �compose a thoughtful and measured response in terse but not mockingly precise language� to show that you get it, OK? Don�t just repeat back to me what I wrote, with those weird little �[sic]� things everywhere, or we will have to have a talk, �man to man� about rudeness in the workplace. And if you�re curious about the consequences of workplace rudeness over email, please consult the bulletin on workplace behaviour pinned up in the lobby. It�s right next to our mission statement.
4) With these things in mind, I have developed a formula for correct response to general management memos. From now on management staff must write up a point-form summary of all general memos and have them in my inbox by end of day if memos are sent out from 12:01 AM to 12:00 PM, or by 10:00 AM next business day if memos are sent out from 12:01 PM to 5:30 PM. Memos sent out after regular business hours (ie. 5:31 PM to 12:00 AM) will require a response by end of next business day. In the event of management absence from the office, please fill out one of our new �memo absence� forms (see attached file), indicating time of return. Attach a hard copy of original memo plus a copy of summarized response and drop it off on my desk by end of business day.
Okay people, I think that�s it. If you have any questions feel free to �drop me a line�, you know where I am. I hope that this strategy will clear up some of the issues that I�ve noticed since starting in this position two months ago, and some of the problems, like that fire in the basement, which I�m told is not the first fire that�s happened here (??), should start getting resolved now that my memos are properly and RESPECTFULLY answered. Don�t forget that I was hired to deal with these problems and I should be shown the respect due to my difficult position. PS. Jenny has informed me that she has some free tickets to the Discovery Bonanza coming to the Southgate Mall next week, so if you�re interested and you want to show �the little ones� a good time you can pick them up in her office.
