Carl laid out the hairs for the third time that day, checking the clock each time. Eight after twelve. Ten to two. Six o� clock. The strands floated precisely and delicately in the water.
Why do you keep doing that? asked Lila. She waved a magazine at her face.
Carl kept his attention on the hairs, watching them rotate by degrees. It�s a method of divination, he said. If you cross a strand of your hair with that of your lover�s on the surface of a still pool of water and see where it points to, then that will answer the question in your mind.
How do you know which way it�s pointing?
You have to do it three times in twenty-four hours. Whenever the impulse strikes you. Each time you record the time and factor it in to an equation of surpassing complexity but easily reducible to a formula.
Does it matter if you�ve got really curly hair? Like, super frizzy or fuzzy hair?
Carl flipped through a paperback. It doesn�t say in here. It just says hair.
It seems that only certain ethnic groups can find wide application of this method.
It�s called pellomancy, Carl declared. He slid the book over the table to Lila.
She tilted it up and read the press on the back: �Now you too can unlock the secrets held within the follicles - the cradle of all hair�. �After applying the Pellomantic Formula, the future will reveal itself to you. Let the wonders of pellomancy add lustre to your life�.
According to the authors, Carl said, the human follicle has magical powers. The story of Samson in the Bible is part of the proof. Situated at the interface of the living body and the dead shaft, the follicle has been imbued with liminal puissance.
It says here that you need the Pellomantic Wheel to perform the calculations which will render the future clear.
Yeah, I got that too down at the Awarehouse for eight bucks.
He showed her a laminated placard.
You see, you rotate the cardboard circle to the correct coordinates as determined by numerological reduction of the data -
Carl, that�s one of those things that shows you the phases of the moon throughout the year.
Yeah, I thought that too, but the lady told me how it�s all connected? And she said �do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law�. Here, let me show you. I�ll rotate the circle to my coordinates.
Hmm, he said. He consulted the book.
What does it say?
Well, it�s complicated, but I asked the hairs what our first child would be like, and it says here that the child will be small, and that it will survive on a diet of boll weevils and acorns. And possibly candy bar wrappers? Let me check that.
Acorns?
Clearly some famine is upon us. It may not be wise to have a child just now.
If you liked this story and wish to find out more about the wonders of pellomancy, please send a stamped self-addressed envelope to people who like getting those sorts of things.
