Melts & Sands:Seafood Melt, Corned Beef Melt, Vegetarian Melt, Philly Beef Melt, Turkey Melt, Mr. Beef Melt, Crispy Chicken Sub, Denver, Beef Dip, Humpty Cristo, Clubhouse.

What's Wrong with Yesterday's Menu:I've avoided most of the items in the soup and salad section for a couple of good reasons. First off, it's generally best to avoid the vegetable-heavy selections in a restaurant better known for its acrylamide-rich menu. Secondly, the salad menu at Humpty's has that strange tendency to offer food that calls itself salad but, in point of fact, is mostly meat and sauce held up by vegetables. And why has Humpty's redrawn the nutritional map to declare cheese a sort of nominal veg? In any case, avoid the basic house salad, a glass gravy boat filled with cloudy water tamped down with lettuce.

LOUSY TOURIST DESTINATIONS

The town of Asbestos, Quebec was named one of the five worst tourist destinations in the world by the Wall Street Journal. The highlight is a tour of the local asbestos open-pit mine, in which people are encouraged to "touch, caress, and sniff chunks of asbestos while the locals insist that asbestos products are safe". Other terrible destinations were a rock-strewn nudist beach in Croatia and a US Navy aerial bombing range in Puerto Rico.

DEATH BE PROUD, AT LONG LAST

Herman Feifel, the author of the 1959 book The Meaning of Death, died.

parode - exode