STUPID RABBIT

The Lotus just posted on rabbits, and since our marriage vows included a commitment to ruthlessly undercut and outdo each other at every possible turn, until one of us becomes so degraded that she spends all her days in bed, calling out for her "medicine" (hello, Dubonnet) and ordering KFC for breakfast, I thought I'd write about rabbits as well. It's my only rabbit story, it happened in Calgary, and it doesn't take long. I was passing by. A man with a long curly mullet and a southern Colonel style moustache (is there a name for those things?) sat on his porch step, smoking a cigarette and drinking a Labatt's, letting his mullet dry in the sun. Just as I walked by he muttered "Come here". I slowed my step, thinking he was about to ask me for the time, or show me his stash of pot or something, but I realized he was looking off to my right. "Come here," he said again, and then with an utterly different tone of exhausted hatred, he said: "Stupid rabbit". I glanced over and saw a rabbit on his front lawn, wearing a red collar attached to a leash. It sat still and wiggled its nose, brown eyes untroubled by intelligence and oblivious to Mr. Mullet's loathing. "Stupid rabbit," he said again. The rabbit wiggled its nose.

That's my rabbit story. On to my musical dream sequence, with line dancing instructions included.

THE NEUTRON CONVERSATION

Last night I had a terrible dream. I stood atop a tall cliff, looking down on a planet of endless cities and scrap heaps spilling over the rust-coloured horizon. Far below people crowded the streets, flowing in broken streams like dazzled ants. Smokestacks spiked the sky, spilling their filth into the stratosphere as if to soil the feet of God and insult Heaven itself with industry. Beside me stood three women draped in soiled white robes. The one at my left took my arm and pointed at the hellish landscape beneath as another on my right whispered in my ear:

I don't want to take it anymore. I'll just stay here locked behind the door. Just no time to stop and get away, 'cause I work so hard to make it everyday.

Whoo oooh. Whoo oooh.

Nodding, I replied:

Whoo oooh. Whoo oooh.

And it's hard to say just how some things never change, and it's hard to find any strength to draw the line. I'm just burning doin' the neutron dance. I'm just burning doin' the neutron dance.

The nearest smokestack belched fire into the sky and toppled into the streets. Tall buildings crumbled under the impact. The third woman lifted up her veil and said:

Industry don't pay a price that's fair - all the common people breathing filthy air. Roof caved in on all the simple dreams, and to get ahead your heart starts pumping schemes.

They fell silent. I pointed at the city below and replied:

Whoo oooh. Whoo oooh.

I'm on fire. I'm on fire! I know there's a pot of gold for me. All I got to do is just believe. I'm so happy doin' the neutron dance. And I'm just burning doin' the neutron dance. I'm so happy doin' the neutron dance. I'm just burning doin' the neutron dance.

The three women nodded approvingly. We formed a lineup and did the neutron dance, like so:

1-8 SIDE, TOUCH, SIDE, TOUCH, SHUFFLE FWD, TOUCH, SIDE, TOUCH, SIDE, TOUCH, SHUFFLE BACK
1&2& Step R to right side, Touch L toe beside R, Step L to left side, Touch R toe beside L
3&4& R-L-R Shuffle forward (Step R forward, Step L beside R, Step R forward), Touch L toe beside R
5&6& Step L to left side, Touch R toe beside L, Step R to right side, Touch L toe beside R
7&8 L-R-L Shuffle back (Step L back, Step R beside L, Step L back)

9-16 TURN 1/4 RIGHT AND REPEAT ABOVE 8 COUNT
1&2& Step R back turning 1/4 turn right, Touch L toe beside R, Step L to left side, Touch R toe beside L
3&4& R-L-R Shuffle forward, Touch L toe beside R
5&6& Step L to left side, Touch R toe beside L, Step R to right side, Touch L toe beside R
7&8 L-R-L Shuffle back

17-24 TURN 1/4 RIGHT FOR SIDE, CROSS, SIDE, CROSS, FULL CIRCLE LEFT 4 STEPS
1-2 Step R back turning 1/4 right, Cross Step L over R
3-4 Step R to right side, Cross Step L over R
5-6 Step R to right side turning 1/4 left, Step L to left side turning 1/4 left
7-8 Step R to right side turning 1/4 left, Step L to left side turning 1/4 left

25-32 SIDE ROCK, ROLL HIPS, JAZZ BOX TURNING 1/4 RIGHT
1-2 Swaying Rock Step R to right side, Swaying Rock Step onto L
3-4 Roll hips counterclockwise changing weight R, L
5-6 Cross Step R over L, Step L back
7-8 Step R back turning 1/4 right, Step L forward

33-40 FRONT ROCK, SIDE ROCK, BACK ROCK, TOGETHER-SIDE ROCK, JAZZ BOX TURNING
1/4 LEFT
1& Rock Step R forward, Rock Step onto L
2& Rock Step R to right side, Rock Step onto L
3& Rock Step R back, Rock Step onto L
4 Step R beside L
&5 Rock Step L to left side, Rock Step onto R
6 Cross Step L over R
7-8 Step R back, Step L to left side turning 1/4 left

41-48 FRONT ROCK, SIDE ROCK, BACK ROCK, TOGETHER-SIDE ROCK, JAZZ BOX TURNING

1/4 LEFT
1-8 Repeat previous 8 counts (33-40)

48 count, 4 wall, intermediate level
Choreographer: Bill Bader, March 2003
Choreographed to: Neutron Dance by Pointer Sisters (108 bpm)
www.linedancermagazine.com

I woke up in mid-step, covered in bruises, my living room furniture destroyed and the police crashing through my door. Tonight I sleep in a cell. But I'll show them what the neutron dance really is. They'll learn.

parode - exode